CARLEN’S NEVER-ENDING SOUP RECIPE
MOVE OVER CHEF BOYARDEE !
HELLO FRIEND
BEFORE WE BEGIN:
I like to listen to music while I am cooking. You can listen to The Recipe by Kendrick Lamar as you read this recipe on loop because it’s going to be A DOOZY!
In case you saw my “INSTAGRAM RANT” I mentioned how I made a MYSTERY SOUP RECIPE that is HEALTHY AND DELICIOUS.
While I only announched this in my heavily shadowbanned Instagram stories, 68% of my Instagram Stories viewers like you wanted it!!
32% of you said NO YOU DID NOT WANT IT(due to your terrible diarrhea?)
(ps if you really do have gut or digestive issues, try BioFulvic and use the code CARLEN for 10% off)
OK IT’S RECIPE TIME!
PS If you missed my INSTAGRAM RANT, it is saved in my Instagram Story Highlights titled “𝖕a𝖗a𝖉i𝖌m" if you scroll all the way to the end
(OOPS I may have deleted it by now during my Instagram Stories purge, sorry!)YOU CAN STILL FOLLOW ALONG HERE! WE DON’T NEED INSTAGRAM TO HAVE A GOOD TIME!
In this “RANT”, I mentioned how because I was never taught how to cook by my mom, it led me to eating microwaveable and pre-packaged foods and getting sick so I was forced to teach myself how to cook because my mom was too busy.
(THANKS “FEMINISM!” just kidding)
PS EVERY. WOMAN IS AN INDEPENDENT FEMINIST UNTIL WE NEED TO OPEN AN OLD GLASS JAR OF TOMATO SAUCE, AM I RIGHT LADIES?- #NotFunny #Crickets
OK BACK TO THE RECIPE….ARE YOU SO EXCITED?
PSSTTT… BEFORE WE BEGIN…
DO YOU LIKE TO READ?
The reason I ask is because after I share the recipe, I wanted to WARN YOU THIS IS THE LONGEST SOUP RECIPE YOU WILL EVER READ as I wish to give you a little back story to what led me to this soup and my food journey in general.
WHY?
I have drastically upgraded my mood, level of creativity, confidence and quality of life by taking my health and food choices into my own hands AND I WANT THE SAME FOR YOU!
In addition to being a comedian, filmmaker, writer, designer, artist, sometimes musician #MidLifeCrisis, certified Spiritual Psychology coach, Earthling researcher who spends 80% of my time alone staring at the sky wondering how to stop weather modification and the potential transhumanist takeover, I am now a certified Integrative Health Coach (which you can read more about HERE) and I feel like I finally have a grasp on health in a way I did not before and I want to tell you how I came to this place in my life….
If you HATE READING
…because the Internet rotted your brain with 10 second social media Dopamine bursts, fapping til the cows cum home (ew gross, why Carlen’s brain, why?), and/or my ‘90’s animated GIFs and artwork are not enough to keep your attention span or maybe you logically just hate looking at the screen, I understand and fully accept you.
IF THIS IS THE CASE, TURN AWAY NOW FROM READING THIS NEVER ENDING SOUP RECIPE!!!
PS I recommend downloading the Iris app for only $1.99 a month to protect your eyes and getting a protective phone case to help mitigate the harmful effects of phone and computer EMFs on the body….
THE GOOD NEWS IS
If you stopped having the attention span for reading or finishing things in general, I will be teaching about how we can restore our brain back to pre-Internet levels in 2 of my upcoming online courses NOT TODAY SEITAN: NAVIGATING THE HEALTH MATRIX and my longer more involved funny course HOW TO GET YOUR SH*T TOGETHER which you can join the Waitlist for.
It has taken me literally 15 years to figure out everything I will be sharing in these exciting funny useful courses.
Fun fact: I bought the web domain HowToGetYourShitTogether.com in 2004 and a few people tried to buy it from me and I told them “I will be using this domain as soon as I get my shit together!!!” (flash forward 20 years and HERE WE ARE - ps getting your shit together is about letting your shit go more than anything else, and we will be discussing this in detail!)
OK LET’S GET BACK TO THE MYSTERY SOUP!!!TIME TO GET YOUR SOUP RECIPE FRIENDS (I think of ingredients as friends who briefly live in our bodies and nourish us and then OFF THEY GO!)
PS DO YOU LIKE MY SUPER PROFESSIONAL GRAPHIC DESIGN SKILLS? (MY COOKING IS A LITTLE BETTER!)
WHAT YOU WILL NEED
1)
1 BIG COOKING POT
(I love my NON-TOXIC pot which I will tell you about later)
2)
ABOUT 3 CUPS OF FILTERED WATER
(PS filtering our water is crucial for our health and I will share my favorite filter later)
3)
3 BIG ORGANIC CARROTS CUT INTO PIECES
(You can find organic carrots, mushrooms and all vegetables at your local health-minded market, farmers market or check LOCAL HARVEST which is a wonderful resource for those in America)
4)
4 ORGANIC WHITE OR BUTTON MUSHROOMS CUT INTO PIECES
5)
1/2 AN ORGANIC PURPLE ONION CUT INTO SMALL PIECES
6)
ORGANIC SMYRNA FIGS CUT INTO PIECES
(IMAGINE IF YOUR MOTHER NAMED YOU SMYRNA!!!)(Your local health food store should have organic figs - try to get them from California or the Middle East - PS I am making my own organic search engine, map and marketplace called 1-800 EARTH but I will tell you more about that another time…!)
7)
A JAR OF ORGANIC CAPERS
(Your local health-minded supermarket should have these - Capers are such a little mystery food aren’t they? They are high in Quercetin which is great for our health)
8)
CANNED WILD CAUGHT SARDINES (OPTIONAL)
(I love this brand WILD PLANET)
9)
ORGANIC TAHINI SAUCE
(I love Tahini because it is the perfect fatty food for brain health and I am avoiding tree nuts - unless they are sprouted - which I can tell you about another time! As for brands of Tahini, here are some I have tried - 365 Organic, SPROUT’s brand, Soom brand, Gopal’s brand OR if you are into luxury Tahini, my absolute favorite is LIVING TREE COMMUNITY FOODS “Alive & Organic” SESAME TAHINI - It has a lot more lifeforce to it and it is in a glass jar which I much prefer over plastic because plastic can leech into our food and cause us to have man boobs)
10)
A HANDFUL OF ORGANIC FRESH OR DRIED SAGE
(If you decide to get dried herbs, make sure they are organic and non-irradiated… I love the brands Frontier Organic and Simply Co-op!)
11)
A HANDFUL OF ORGANIC FRESH OR DRIED THYME
12)
NON-IRRADIATED CURRY POWDER POWDER
(As with all dried herbs, I love this brand Frontier Organic or Simply Co-op)
13)
A SQUEEZE OF LEMON JUICE
(Preferably fresh or LAKEWOOD ORGANIC is a nice brand)
14)
HIGH MINERAL SALT TO TASTE
(I love this brand REDMONDS or Mother Earth Minerals salt)
CONGRATS ON MAKING IT THIS FAR!
GO GET ALL THIS STUFF AND THEN CALL ME WHEN YOU ARE DONE, OK????!!!
DID YOU REALLY GET IT? I AM WATCHING YOU!!!
(JK I AM NOT THE NSA!)
NOW IT’S TIME FOR THE DIRECTIONS
PUT WATER IN POT AND ALLOW FOR IT TO BOIL
(Do you think boling water gets angry? Do you think seltzer is just angry water? What is angrier? Seltzer or boiling water? Can you boil seltzer?! Would it lose it’s carbonation? Did you ever read Breath by James Nestor? He talks about how important carbon is for our body. This is a topic I am very passionate about as a life long environmentalist who believes Carbon and Carbon Dioxide are being wrongfully villainized by interdimensional technocratic overlords - but anyway that’s for another time!STILL HUNGRY? NOW THE FUN BEGINS!
CHOP UP CARROTS, ONIONS, AND MUSHROOMS
(Avoid plastic cuttingboards if you can as they leach micro-plastics into the food which can lead to hormonal issues like Estrogen imbalance!)AND THEN LOVINGLY THROW THEM INTO THE POT OF BOILING WATER
(WAIT 5 MIN)THEN ADD A BIG SPRINKLE OF CURRY
A SPRINKLE OF SALT
A DASH OF LEMON JUICE
THE TAHINI TO MAKE THE SOUP CREAMY
(Fat and cholesterol have been wrongfully villainized just like Carbon Dioxide has)CHEW UP SOME FIGS AND SPIT THE CHEWED FIGS IN THE POT
THEN (IF YOU ARE ADVENTUROUS), ADD 1./4 CONTAINER OF THE SARDINES.
LET EVERYTHING COOK FOR ABOUT 4 MIN STIRRING. YOU WANT TO MAKE SURE THE TAHINI GIVES IT A NICE CREAMY TEXTURE.
TASTE IT TO MAKE SURE IT ISN’T GROSS.
SIT DOWN..
TURN OFF YOUR PHONE.
THANK ALL OF THESE BEINGS AS THEY WERE ONCE ALIVE AND THEY HAD NO IDEA THEY WERE GOING TO END UP AT YOUR HOUSE AND LIVE INSIDE YOUR STOMACH FOR A FEW HOURS!
ENJOY AND TELL ME HOW IT WAS.
I DARE YOU TO MAKE IT!!!!
STILL HUNGRY FOR MORE READING BEFORE YOU GO MAKE THE SOUP? (or just procrastinating because you don’t feel like finding out how Smyrna figs and sardines tastes together? I GET IT!)
ps can you believe it took until I was 39 to be diagnosed with “ADHD”? (Attuned to Higher Dimensions) #Blessed
AS MENTIONED EARLIER,
Growing up in Manhattan, my mom was very busy raising me on her own and working full-time so I was never taught how to cook and I would just eat microwaveable and frozen meals that were easy for me to make.
Because I love animals so much, I logically became vegetarian at age 7 to help stop animal suffering and would just eat what I thought was healthy (frozen veggie burgers/pasta/frozen snacks like The Bagel Bite)
(DID YOU EVER TRY THE DEVIL’S PERFECT FOOD “THE BAGEL BITE?!)
I was horribly anxious and constipated all the time as a child but I thought that was just “normal”- it isn’t!
What made me so sick?
For starters, the wheat in America is often times genetically modified, then doused with the herbicide Glyphosate and bleached so all of it’s fiber, vitamins and minerals are artificially removed, and then a chemical called Bromine is added, making it very difficult on the gut, especially for young children.
I believe bleached flour, GMOs and topical glyphosate usage are 3 of the biggest problems with our food system and though I am not very politically correct, in some ways I feel like bleaching flour has racist undertones. #ConstipatedSocialJusticeWarrior
LIKE WHY THE BREAD’S GOTTA BE SO WHITE IN AMERICA LIKE A KLAN ROBE?!
NATURAL YELLOW AND BROWN WHEAT IS BEAUTIFUL!
BRING BACK UNBLEACHED FLOUR!
FREE MUMIA AND OUR MICROBIOME!!
I digress…
While I did eventually cut out bleached flour and Bagel Bites (which were heavily addictive due to MSG!) I never quite expanded my cooking abilities and I continued to always feel sick. and anxious.
In my teens and 20’s I would basically eat only raw almonds, berries and a Kind Bar for breakfast, and then some random salad bar concoction of kale, chickpeas, avocado for lunch (if I remembered to eat it)- and then have vegetables, beans, rice and that watery white tofu for dinner (fruit made me very sleepy after I ate it for some reason - I now know it was blood sugar imbalance);
OOPS!
Despite this societally acceptable “healthy vegetarian diet” I was eating, I was always extremely tired, lethargic, brain fogged out and anxious despite the fact that I thought I was “being healthy” (because we are taught eating a ton of vegetables is healthy, right?)
IT ALL DEPENDS!
We are all like unique snowflakes (I don’t mean in the “libtard snowflake meaning”); I mean in the unique beings sense since all snowflakes are magically different up close just like we are!) - though sometimes I wonder if all the chemtrails are affecting the composition of snowflake patterns….
(I will have to go down that rabbit hole another time….)
The point is, our dietary needs are as unique as our Spotify playlists and they vary based on our ancestry, blood types, body types and what vitamins/nutrients/minerals we are craving!
We are meant to listen to our own cravings and inner compass, and I have finally begun to do that, in all aspects of my life.
At 32, I cut all processed and genetically modified foods out of my diet and added in grass fed beef and wild caught fish.
My health began to improve drastically even though I initially felt guilty bringing back meat into my diet.
I prayed over all my meals and thanked the animals for helping me have energy, not to mention only buying meat that was “grass fed” and “pasture raised” (to help ensure animal welfare treatment since factory farms are a literal Hell and need to be abolished immediately.
I truly feel that regardless if people eat meat or not, it is so insane that factory farming exists and it is something I hope to help be a part of reforming in my lifetime with my company and ministry 1-800 EARTH which I will talk about another time.
If you eat regular meat (that is not pasture raised), it is very likely the animal you ate was literally tortured in a factory farm, something you never see on all these foodie instagram pages….
FACTORY FARMING IS ONE OF THE DARKEST THINGS ON PLANET EARTH, IN MY OPINION
If you do eat meat, there is no shame whatsoever (I EAT MEAT NOW TOO) but I encourage you to please read the Wikipedia for the 12-minute film Meet Your Meat (this link goes to a Wikipedia article as the film itself is too gruesome to share)
I bring it up NOT TO SHAME ANYONE but to help those interested in knowing what they may be putting in their bodies and why we need to abolish factory farms….(or watch the video so you know what is considered “normal” in American meat manufacturing BECAUSE IT IS SERIOUSLY HELL.)
THE GOOD NEWS is that I believe we can have meat that comes from animals that are not treated like soulless objects; we just need to raise the consciousness of Americans to even demand it and subsidize pasture raised meat instead of factory farmed meat! (which I hope to help be a part of!)
ANYWAY
As I cut out all synthetic foods from my diet and added animal protein to my diet, my physical and emotional sensitivity became heightened to the point where I would go into a supermarket and touch a fruit or vegetable and my body would tell me if it was going to be beneficial to me or not.
SMYRNA FIGS WAS A YES TO MY BODY!
( I just wanted to write the word Smyrna again and force you to read it in your mind, sorry. Isn’t it weird how you are hearing my words in your mind? What are you saying to yourself all day? Our words are swords! SMYRNA!!!)
I DIGRESS… BACK TO THE SUPERMARKET ANECDOTE….
At the supermarket, I would go over to the meat section and feel the packages of meat and NO JOKE, I could literally feel the terror in the animal’s body, which seemed to be less when I would touch the packages of meat that said Pasture Raised and Grass Fed.
WAS I GOING CRAZY? OR WAS I GOING SANE? (You be the judge)
I know this sensitivity sounds intense but I believe we all have this subtle energy connection with our food if we take the time to listen to our bodies….
THIS IS WHAT THE ELITES DON’T WANT US TO KNOW! (Said in a super raspy Alex Jones voice #GayFrogs!)
I now make my meals based on what my body craves and it has been one of the best ways I have healed my health (and this recipe I shared above tis the epitome of LISTENING INWARD to what my body has been craving, and maybe yours too!)
I want to mention that in addition to listening to my cravings, I have been helped along the way by many nutritionists and healers including my wonderful internet friend Kaleigh (Nutrition.Elements) who taught me about the Body Type diet and analyzed me as a Thyroid Body type.
Have you heard of the Body Type Diet?
Learning about being a Thyroid Body type changed my life as it validated what my body had been trying to tell me all along!
As I became more connected to my body, I would notice that kale and other cruciferous vegetables never appealed to me even though I would force myself to eat them.
According to the Thyroid Body Type Diet, we are meant to limit cruciferous vegetables (which I was accidentally eating everyday prior to learning that cruciferous vegetables in high dosages can lower our Iodine levels, which are necessary for good health!)
WHAT IF THE PUSH FOR KALE A FEW YEARS AGO WAS A CIA CONSPIRACY TO LOWER OUR IODINE LEVELS?! (Don’t answer that)
WHAT IF POPEYE WAS OXALATE POISONING PROPAGANDA? (Again, don’t answer that)
THE POINT IS….
I WISH I HAD KNOWN MORE ABOUT DIET SOONER as I believe that I could have been saved from a lot of physical and emotional pain had I known more, not to mention my CREATIVITY LEVEL has been directly impacted by the quality of my food - and I believe this is no accident.
As you can tell from my writing style, I am a very creative person with many ideas that likes to jump around, like I am cooking many word dishes at once…
LET’S TALK ABOUT THE CORRELATION BETWEEN FOOD AND CREATIVITY
Trying new things - whether a new recipe or making a piece of art or music or new way of doing ANYTHING is one of the most fun and/or scary things, depending on your relationship to “trying new things”.
Often times due to our matrix schooling and societal conditioning, we are taught to be “afraid of making mistakes or “making a mess:” and “disappointing others”
DO YOU RELATE?
I believe that this set of subconscious beliefs makes people afraid to create new things (for fear of “getting in trouble,” “making a mess” “disappointing others” or feeling “stupid” if things don’t go perfectly, (aka we are afraid LOVE WILL GO AWAY)
IRONICALLY we often push away the ideas we love, for fear that if we love them and other people don’t love our ideas/things we love, that we are therefore unloveable :(
Guess what, UNIVERSAL FACT CHECKERS SAY THIS IS A LIE!!!
Anywhoozle, as I have healed my own perfectionism using a combination of natural remedies and psychedelics, I have been more willing to try new things including weird recipes!
In the realm of food, trying new things leads to delicious recipes and sometimes it leads to disgusting concoctions you wouldn’t wish upon your worst enemy. SMYRNA!!!!
Regardless of the outcome of this recipe (or anything you create in life), I invite you to know it is safe to try new things as your birthright, and know it is safe to make mistakes.
(PS do you have perfectionism? WORK WITH ME)
This long pre-amble to the recipe is more a paradigm shift that I wish to evoke in this article and all the things I share.
You do not need to make this recipe perfectly, nor do you need to do anything perfectly as there is NO PERFECT RECIPE or ART or PERFECT WAY OF WRITING or ANYTHING unless you define it as such.
We are so conditioned to doing things “by the books” forgetting that we can now write OUR OWN BOOKS NOW and WE GET TO DEFINE what a good recipe or MEANINGFUL LIFE is, regardless if we went to cooking school or someone has “approved” us.
Sharing this recipe has taken me a long time; not because of the recipe itself, but because of the underlying fear of rejection that accompanies putting yourself out there in new ways.
CAN I GET AN AMEN?
WHERE DID MY FEAR OF MAKING MISTAKES START?
COULD IT HAVE STARTED FROM THE INTERDIMENSIONAL OVERLORDS WHO MAKE US HATE OURSELVES BECAUSE OUR TRAUMA IS A FOOD SOURCE FOR THEM? LOL IDK!ONE TIME when I was a child, my mom was dating this really annoying macho guy (who is now dead… R.I.P, oops no I didn’t KILL HIM) and we would go out to dinner with him and his son every Friday Night at this Chinese restaurant on the Upper West Side of Manhattan (this was in the 1990’s… how cliche Jewish!)
My mom’s boyfriend was so mean to me and told me I was stupid for not knowing how to do the NY Times Crossword puzzle (at age 8) and he made me feel so worthless and imperfect (I think he was strangely jealous of me and the attention my mom gave to me over him - sick right?)
He would do things like order really spicy Chinese food at the restaurant to act like he was a big shot and try to impress my mom and everyone and it was so embarrassing!!!)
When the stone-cold Chinese waiter came to take our order, my mom’s boyfriend would literally look around at the other dining patrons and say loudly “YES BOSS (to the waiter) MAKE IT THE SPICIEST YOU GOT!” so everyone could hear how strong he was, unaware that the waiter was rolling his eyes at how pathetic my mom’s boyfriend looked since ordering spicy stuff was super common for him (Are you imagining a Chinese waiter rolling his eyes? Why don’t we see more depictions of Asian people rolling their eyes in contemporary culture? I AM SOMEHOW OFFENDED!)
THE POINT IS….
MY MOM’S BOYFRIEND WAS SO MEAN TO ME and he made me so angry and I had to stuff down my emotions (internal spiciness) because I couldn’t escape him and I did not know how to express my feelings healthfully (reach out if you need help on this)
Anyway, one night at this Chinese restaurant, my mom’s boyfriend was doing his regular schtick of requesting MAXIMUM SPICE and I think the kitchen was trying to kill him and they intentionally made it too spicy (HA HA) and my he couldn’t eat it so he took it in a “To Go” container and gave it to a black blind homeless man outside the restaurant (who was there literally every time we went)
After that night, we never saw that homeless man again and we think he might have died from how spicy this food was.
My mom’s boyfriend died 10 years ago (unrelated to spicy food) from a fungal infection he got on his toes that spread throughout his body in Thailand but that is another unappetizing story for another time and I pray his soul is free now.
The End.
ARE YOU HUNGRY OR WHAT?
IF YOU ARE SERIOUSLY GOING TO MAKE THE RECIPE WE DISCUSSED AT THE BEGINNING OF THIS LONG STORY, THERE ARE SOME THINGS I RECOMMEND….
ON COOKING POTS
Do you own a pot? I recommend to find out if your pot is toxic (HERE) and if it is, get a huge non-toxic pot.
PS DID YOU EVER HEAR OF THE HEALTH CONDITION “POTS”? WHAT ABOUT “PANDAS”? (imagine a panda bear holding a pot)
OK I DIGRESS
I really like the pots from 360 Cookwear because it is legit one of the only brands that does not leach heavy metals into the food (like many mainstream less expensive brands (READ MORE ON THAT HERE) and pays its workers fairly in America.
They have sales a few times a year.
The reason why I bring up getting a nice pot is because the last thing you want to do when cooking a healthy soup is to have toxins from the pot leaching into your meal.
The 360 brand is great because they have really good quality and don’t break down (and the whole toxin thing)
The one thing I will say is that I used to be very paranoid about toxins but I have since learned that we really can detoxify any heavy metal from our body, with things like Minerals such as Selenium! - Follow my friend Kaleigh on Instagram to learn more about this!
Anywhoozle, so you get a pan and you fill it with water.
ON WATER QUALITY
DO YOU HAVE A FEW HOURS TO TALK ABOUT WATER WITH ME? (or just 2 minutes is fine)
Water makes up 70% of our bodies and 70% of our planet (don’t quote me on that) and basically all of our tap water from the faucet is super toxic which is so sad because you grow up hearing about how important it is to drink enough water and then you find out it has all these toxins in it!
ARE THEY TRYING TO MAKE US SICK OR SOMETHING? (Don’t answer that)
Anyway, you can check if your tap water is toxic HERE
I typed in my address and I have over 18 toxins in our water (#YasssKween!!! … I MEAN #NoKweeen!)
THIS IS WHY I DON’T USE TAP WATER.
WHY is Flouride, a known neurotoxin, added to our drinking water?
WHO CARES IM HUNGRY! ALEXA, BRING ME COLGATE TOOTHPASTE!
SO BACK TO THE RECIPE!
I take my non-toxic pot and then I fill it with non-toxic water and I add salt to the water.
THEN I ADD SALT
DO YOU HAVE A FEW MINUTES TO TALK ABOUT SALT?
I grew up thinking that salt was bad for us because that is what we were taught, right?
I learned that this is actually not true (kind of like how the sun isn’t really bad for us either)
This topic has nuance but basically it is not salt that is bad for us, it is when salt is stripped of it’s minerals.
Most table salt has literally NO NUTRITIONAL VALUE, and often has microplastics in it (OOPS)
Table salt talks about how it has no iodine in it like Iodine is so important for us - but I sometimes wonder why Table Salt doesn’t say “Contains literally nothing useful and makes you thirsty” because that would be closer to the truth.
Anyway, the good news is that I FOUND A WONDERFUL SALT.
It is called Redmond’s Salt. They sell it at most health food stores and when I use it, I have a lot of energy. (You can also use Premiere Labs brand salt as well)
I JUST REMEMBERED A FUN STORY I HAVE ABOUT SALT:
I wanted to share how holy salt is to me.
LAST YEAR, I once almost bought a camper van in Texas from a 300lb really nice Hispanic man at the Camping Depot store, and I was teaching him about chemtrails and then he said he was trying to get healthy and I told him about how salt is really misunderstood and I gave him my tiny Redmond’s salt shaker (look how cute it is)
This lovely man tried some of my salt and told me that he immediately had a lot more energy and the experience inspired me and saddened me when I thought of how misguided Americans have been about health (and everything else, really).
While I decided not to get that camper van (SORRY JOSE’!), I instead spend the next few months going back to school to become a Health Coach so I could help people of all sizes and backgrounds learn to take better care of their health! (not in an annoying white savior complex way, obvz)
THE POINT IS that salt (sodium) is only “bad” if we are only getting sodium but not the other trace minerals like Potassium and Iodine in it!
So either get Redmonds or you can use my other favorite salt, by Mother Earth Minerals (called “Savory Sea Salt” found HERE)
ANYWAY BACK TO THE RECIPE
So you put the water and the salt in the pot and you let it boil and then you add chopped carrots. I only buy organic as much as possible because it is much better for my body and the planet.; The reason carrots are so good for us is because they help detoxify estrogen from the body and balance hormones. They also supply Vitamin C, which is good for our immunity. Also, they are good for our eyes, which makes sense because when you cut a carrot into slices, it looks like there is a little eyeball in the center.
ANYWAY, so you add the carrots and you add the water and you add the salt and then you add some minced RED ONION.
Red onion, like all onions have the ability to make you cry when you cut them; and I secretly believe this is because onions are literally trying to protect themselves from getting eaten and they want you to start crying and empathise for the poor plight of the onion. My pro-tip is to play THIS PERFECT SONG for the onion as you are cutting it and you can both cry to the sound of this song, which will make you cry with how horrible/perfect it is.
PS DID YOU EVER SEE THE MOVIE “THE SECRET LIFE OF PLANTS? There is a scene where a doctor chokes a plant and a head of lettuce that is attached to a heart monitor gets really upset that his planr friend is being harmed. YOU CAN WATCH THIS DOCUMENTARY HERE AFTER YOU EAT THE SOUP!!! One day I pray that plants are seen as having souls just like animals and people. And then if you hug a tree without asking for consent, the Trees are going to band together and start a #TreeToo movement for all the times they did not want to be hugged by a guy with really bad B.O. - ps I made a whole comedy routine about this topic but I will save that for another time….
BACK TO THE RECIPE
I used to watch things or check my phone while I would eat but then I realized that I wanted to be present with my food so I could really appreciate all the life that went into it…
This is known as Mindful eating and it has a bunch of benefits here…..
But then LET’S BE HONEST, you know how sometimes cleaning is much easier when you have a podcast in the background?
Or how some people put on music to “GeT In The MoOd?” (barf) - so I also can see why people would watch stuff on their screen while eating soup - to amplify the pleasure…. do whatever you want!
BACK TO THE RECIPE
Then I add cut mushrooms. Like everything else, I make sure they are organic. Do you know how all the mushroom containers are those plastic clam shell things? Well, they can’t be recycled but they are in one of those mysterious plastic containers where you think they might be able to?
FUN FACT:
There are mushrooms that can actually break down plastic - they just have not been deployed yet, which is super annoying but it is okay because I have a company called 1-800 EARTH and we are going to save this friggin planet (right after this NEVER ENDING soup recipe)
LET’S TALK ABOUT PLASTIC FOR A SECOND
There are many theories about the cause of our society’s obsession with plastic.
One theory is that the richest people in the world are in the oil business so they of course want everything to be made of plastic (an oil derivative) so they will make lots of money.
A deeper “conspiracy” is that this planet is run by literal parasites that want to have us filled with enough plastic as possible, as part of the transhumanism agenda to make us more plastic inside than human…. Plastic can increase Estrogen leading to MAN BOOBS!
BUT HAVE NO FEAR….
All I know is that we are going to ENJOY GOOD SOUP … (and then clean up the plastic and all the other waste)
IN A WAY, EARTH ITSELF IS KIND OF LIKE A BIG SOUP,
with the oceans as the broth, the smyrna figs as the continents (you know I wasn’t going to give up an opportunity to say SMYRNA again!)
IN CONCLUSION: Let us clean up our soups and our planet together.!
They say my hometown of NYC is the “melting pot” of the world, and I truly believe that if everyone on this planet had access to healthy organic ingredients and had the time to share their own unique soup recipes with the same strange gusto I have in this long-winded post, I think we could make this planet a much healthier crazier fun and more delicious place to be.
NOW GO OUT THERE AND MAKE SOME SOUP! (and then let me know how it goes!)
Love,
Carlen
